We met Hooman here:
And I was able to share with you some of my story, my clients’ story and that I am working with my own coach and mentor around my coaching practice.
Clarity is something often lacking when clients come to coaching. The ‘what next’ is a big nut to crack and it feels that the stakes are very high. It feels like we have a problem and as such it needs to be solved; crucially it feels like there should be one answer, and this answer should be the forever solution. This is absolutely where I was a few years back and this mindset served to increase the immense pressure I felt to 'get it right', and postponed so many decisions and actions because I couldn’t be 100% certain it was ‘right forever’. There is perhaps a presumption amongst those that meet me, that I found that place, the 100% certainty. I never did, and still haven’t. I met people along my coach training and certification courses, who seemed to have heard a calling, to whom coaching was their 100%, and for a time I felt rather disheartened by this and queried (again!) if I was doing the right thing.
I’ve spoken before that the technique I employed here and now work with clients on, is this concept of experimentation. Putting down this idea of forever and moving towards right, for right now only. It’s a much more spacious perspective and allows some exploring, with less urgency that it must have a successful outcome. The success is now tied to the process, not the result. My own coach helped me with this and helped me identify that I found a deep joy and reward in coaching, and this was all the information I needed to continue. The fact that, to this day, I don’t talk about Start to Thrive in forever terms, enables me to continue to learn, grow and not stress the small stuff so much.
I look at the human life like an experiment. Every new moment, every new experience, tragic or otherwise, is an opportunity to gain a more accurate perspective and helps lead me to clarity. Steve Gleason.
It’s an ongoing journey for me and as with all things where we are learning a new skill and behaviour, it requires continuous practice. I continue to have expectations of myself to ‘get it right’, whatever that may mean, and I also to continue to experience disappointment in myself, when I feel this is not what I have achieved. When I start something, whether that be a new business, a career change, a new project – even a new a new relationship; I still waltz in expecting a smooth path of development and growth, and continue to be bemused when in fact I encounter the mess of reality:
Most of the time I have learnt to laugh as I relearn this lesson, but on a serious note, there are times when I am floored by disappointment, resentment, and a sense that I am the problem and again I have failed. My inner critics leap at the opportunity to remind me that, of course, I didn’t get my forever solution sorted out, so what did I expect. My clients show me a mirror, because so many of them share this same cycle with me, and I similarly see their motivation drop and feel their sense of loss, as they question their progress thus far.
Hooman gets it too. They too experience these setbacks, the ones that knock the wind from you and wallop your confidence into the next room:
So many of these familiar emotions have surfaced for me as I move through a process of redefining my business, and just like Hooman, I feel like I stuttered to a stop. For some time, I have had a nagging feeling that something is missing, that in fact there was something I missed. I have ignored it for a long time, because to acknowledge it felt like a betrayal to coaching and to my adventure and experiment. And then I remembered that experiments are about the process, not the outcome.
What I have been so shy to admit is that I am missing procurement – I miss the buzz it gives me, I miss standing in the perspective of knowing, and I miss advising based on my expertise. A coach doesn’t know, they hold, and they help in discovery – it is an entirely different skill set and method of working. My discomfort came from an unfathomable belief that the two did not belong together, that I must choose between them. Here, it is so important to remember that your coach is on her own journey and continues to learn her own lessons – we cannot always see what is so clear to others, we are all in our own woods, occasionally disorientated.
I smile because I have coached so many people that start in this binary black and white place – it must be this or that… oh and of course forever. And so many of them actually end up creating a completely new scenario that is neither one or the other, often it is a beautiful blend.
So, Hooman and I are walking towards something different and new – our exciting, terrifying and deeply rewarding experiment continues. And I start to welcome back aspects of me that I had been denying and ignoring, because I thought that was what I needed to do to have a successful coaching business. Procurement comes back into the fold, my fold. And Start to Thrive begins to become the hybrid business that feels so wonderfully right and wonderfully me. And having first admitted this to myself and then to others, brings a huge sense of ease. I don’t need to be one thing or another, I am both – and it’s a revelation.
Hooman knows what that’s like. Hooman has walked this walk and rediscovered their sense of self too. When you can be you, when now is what matters, when you have found your groove, we too can walk like Hooman:
The more of me I be, the clearer I can see. Rachel Andrews
So, what are the learnings?
1) We can fall into old patterns and behaviours easily – know this and stay kind to yourself when it happens. Awareness is a practice.
2) We all have an innate knowledge of ourselves, what we want and what we need - tune into the signals of your emotions, your gut feels, don’t ignore them, they are trying to communicate something.
3) It’s ok to change your mind! I refer you back to my blog Why making decisions is hard, and why changing your mind is ok.
4) Experiments are about the process, not the outcome. When viewed like this, there is no failure. Whatever the outcome, the experiment is a success. It’s a different approach that opens up new possibilities.
5) Beware the binary: if you are in a belief that it must be one thing or another thing – take a pause and reflect.. what else is there? There is often joy in the hybrid.
Take a step back. Clear your mind. Refresh your perspective. Unknown.
If you are interested in how I can work with you around clarity and more, you can speak to me directly, you can book a free initial one hour session with me here
You can learn more about me on YouTube https://youtu.be/B9EiOo-N7qI