I was given a wonderful compliment a few months back. I was told that my vulnerability was my superpower. They went on to elaborate that my ability and willingness to be so open with the inner workings of my brain and being, was inspiring. I was touched.
It is with this at the forefront of my mind, that I finally sit here today bashing this blog post out. It approaches late afternoon on Thursday. My regular readership knows I post on a Friday morning (ahem mostly!). I confess to having had the most crippling block all week about the subject of this week’s post and I procrastinated like a pro today, to avoid staring that the blank page. Although I tried that too.
I submitted a piece of writing this week to another organisation and I started to wonder if that was my creativity all used up this week. I exceeded the requested wordcount (OBVIOUSLY) and so perhaps that’s it, 1300 words for them means I have nothing of merit left for me or you.
Let me take you on a little trip of my thoughts over the past couple of days…
Ok not to panic, an idea always presents itself. How can it take so long to write 1000 words? If it’s hard to write, it will be crap to read – just reminding you and you can fact check this in your analytics, easy to write… 30 readers, hard to write… 7. Pull your finger out. Would it be better to not write one at all, than to write a bad one? I think I have said everything already. I don’t think all this should be so hard, it doesn’t seem to be so hard for others. Did I think it would be easier than this, I can’t remember? What am I doing again? FFS. Does that oven need a clean? I should point out that you have got it so easy, you swan along writing the odd bit here and there, having a coaching session here and there, faffing about in Canva, swanning off for coffees – you’re not actually doing anything though are you? Let me just calculate what I would have earned in salary from BMW since I left and then just compare it to my turnover… oh. I wonder when I will know when it’s working. It’s not going to work. I’m tired. This is just your midlife crisis before you go and find a proper job. How did I get onto this when I’m just trying to come up with a blog subject? I’ll just look at my Hoomans pictures again for inspiration, ooh LinkedIn post needed. I’m not sure you are a very good coach. Hello cat. Is the lottery a legitimate business plan?.....................................
Assuming you are still with me, let me get to my point in sharing this dribble. Every week I coach and I write about us being our biggest obstacle. That we are always at choice. That we get to write our own story. How and why we sabotage ourselves. What strategies our inner critics will resort to, to keep us, or get us back in line. How awareness is our greatest ally. That we can and must challenge ourselves “thought or fact?”. That we all have these battles, all of us. And I am genuinely sincere in the experience and strategies that I share – I know they work; I’ve used them over and over and over again.
And I am also still learning with you. The little blighters in my head have a radar for tired and for doubt and they have been gleefully lobbing wood on those fires of late. I know why; I am in unchartered waters; I am absolutely making it up as I go, and it is utterly horrifying for them. It is for me too sometimes.
Knowing where we are headed is fabulous, having the vision having the goals. There are times though, many times for me throughout my life and career, where I don’t know where I am headed, and I know that is true for many of you too. The little guys scream this is NOT OK, this is what failure is and by the way this is not where anyone else is. I know they are wrong, but it doesn’t always make their protests any easier to hear.
So, steady the boat. Eyes sharp for the landmarks and onwards out to the horizon. Because out there is that thing that we all catch a glimpse of once in a while, the thing that our little critters say is a mirage, but that our knowing part, well knows.
I believe there are many days where you think is it just me? I have so many of those days… and sometimes I fall into the trap of believing it is just me. It’s not. It isn’t true for me, and it isn’t true for you. Some days it’s harder that’s just fact; it’s on these days we need to double down, return to our toolbox, rummage around and pull out everything we’ve got, because we have got this.
Live in hope. Because things do happen. Things do change. Worry really is futile. Don't fear the future. Dreams do come true. Miranda Hart, Is It Just Me?
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